Last Tuesday, I was depressed.
Last Wednesday, God, through some amazing people save me.
Last Thursday, my grandma passed away and my best friend got mad at me.
Last Thursday, he saved my life.
Last Sunday, I skipped church to avoid him.
Monday, I read my letter at the prayer service. Many, many people told me how great I did.
Tuesday, I struggled my way through the funeral and school.
Wednesday, an amazing person came up to me and proved they cared.
Today, I want to punch someone from show choir in the face.
Today, I'm excited for my trip tomorrow.
Today, I'm hopeful that maybe, maybe he'll admit what ALL my friends say is true.
Tomorrow, I'll think how a month ago I told my best friend I didn't think I'd make it to this trip.
Tomorrow, I will be having the best time I've had in a long time, riding a church van to Minniesota.
This trip will be my vacation.
And just to say, I wouldn't be here without a certain two people. My best friend. And... the person I wish liked me back. You saved me, you may think I only like you because of that, or because you're kinda cute. No. I like you because you are you. Funny, sweet, caring, and God-loving you.
It's okay if you never notice that, or never like me back, because I'll always remember you telling me that I can make it through this... and that alone is enough to keep me going.
Showing posts with label my best friend. Show all posts
Showing posts with label my best friend. Show all posts
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Death
I'm scared. My grandma is dying. She has anywhere from 3 days to a month to no one knows. My family's falling apart. I have my first show choir competition in about a week.
When I found out that my grandma was going home with hospice, the first thing I did was text my best friend, the next was text the one person I knew who would lead me to God. My best friend and I spent the next two and a half hours talking at the near-by McDonald's. I cried a lot. While we were there, she told me to take the trip to Minnieapplos I'm going on and let it be a get away from everything. I said, "But that's a month away... I don't know if I can make it that long." Suddenly, she started crying. "You have to make it. You have to. You know you can. You just have to... for me..."
She's terrified I'm going to give up. And if I do, she'll give up too. I don't wanna give up, but I'm barely strong enough for this. My faith is hanging on by a thread, my family is falling apart, and my aunt is expecting my faith in God to pull us through. There's only one problem: My faith in God isn't nearly what it used to be.
When I found out that my grandma was going home with hospice, the first thing I did was text my best friend, the next was text the one person I knew who would lead me to God. My best friend and I spent the next two and a half hours talking at the near-by McDonald's. I cried a lot. While we were there, she told me to take the trip to Minnieapplos I'm going on and let it be a get away from everything. I said, "But that's a month away... I don't know if I can make it that long." Suddenly, she started crying. "You have to make it. You have to. You know you can. You just have to... for me..."
She's terrified I'm going to give up. And if I do, she'll give up too. I don't wanna give up, but I'm barely strong enough for this. My faith is hanging on by a thread, my family is falling apart, and my aunt is expecting my faith in God to pull us through. There's only one problem: My faith in God isn't nearly what it used to be.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
American Idols, God's Timing and TWIRP
Wednesday's are my favorite day of the week. Why? Youth service. A lot of my friends think I'm so glad to go to church because I get to see a friend of mine I don't see anywhere else. But that's not entierly why I like it so much, it's not even close. The real reason, I get so much closer to God. This week was no exception.
We sang You Won't Relent during worship, it was a song I needed to hear, it opened my heart to what was in store next. Soon, we started singing the part "Come by the fire inside of me, come be the flame on my heart." That part almost made me cry, it's what I needed, I needed God to come consume me with His fire once again, after the devil and myself had turned it to barely alive embers. We also sang Hosanna, that song gave me the most amazing feeling, and then The More I Seek You, I want to be that song so much!
Our pastor started his lesson, the third part in our American Idols series. It was about King Saul and how he wasn't patient on God, and instead had the mentality most Americans have: We need it now!
Stressful Situations
Selfish Impatience
and Sinful Defiance
were three key points. Every single one of them pointed an arrow straight to me... stressful situations- me, my best friend, show choir, grades, family. Selfish Impatience - I forgot about God last weekend, due to my selfish want to have everything better, I completly forgot that God was still there.
Sinful Defiance - I wanted to end my life this weekend, I didn't, certain people stopped me. But I acted in sinful defiance, as if God was not there or I no longer cared about Him. There are three scrapes on my wrist that will, as long as they last, remind never to forget about God. God caught me in His grace this weekend, I have this second chance and I'm going to use it.
Our pastor also talked a lot about God's timing, that part of the sermon couldn't come at a better time. There's this dance coming up in about a month at school, it's called TWIRP, the girls ask the guys. Some of my friends refuse to go, others have dates, and some others are telling me to ask someone to go. I've thought about it a lot, but what I didn't do was pray about it. I'm going to a lot, I'm just pretty sure God doesn't want me to ask my best guy friend to a school dance. Especially since He basically told me to not date until a while.
And, I'm not exactly sure the guy would say yes, after all he'd feel pretty strange being an eighth grader among high schoolers. So for now, I'll be content with the way he makes me laugh, how he makes me smile when I didn't think I'd smile, and be happy he always reminds me that God is there. God used him to save my life, maybe, just maybe, one day, in God's timing, we'll be more then friends.
We sang You Won't Relent during worship, it was a song I needed to hear, it opened my heart to what was in store next. Soon, we started singing the part "Come by the fire inside of me, come be the flame on my heart." That part almost made me cry, it's what I needed, I needed God to come consume me with His fire once again, after the devil and myself had turned it to barely alive embers. We also sang Hosanna, that song gave me the most amazing feeling, and then The More I Seek You, I want to be that song so much!
Our pastor started his lesson, the third part in our American Idols series. It was about King Saul and how he wasn't patient on God, and instead had the mentality most Americans have: We need it now!
Stressful Situations
Selfish Impatience
and Sinful Defiance
were three key points. Every single one of them pointed an arrow straight to me... stressful situations- me, my best friend, show choir, grades, family. Selfish Impatience - I forgot about God last weekend, due to my selfish want to have everything better, I completly forgot that God was still there.
Sinful Defiance - I wanted to end my life this weekend, I didn't, certain people stopped me. But I acted in sinful defiance, as if God was not there or I no longer cared about Him. There are three scrapes on my wrist that will, as long as they last, remind never to forget about God. God caught me in His grace this weekend, I have this second chance and I'm going to use it.
Our pastor also talked a lot about God's timing, that part of the sermon couldn't come at a better time. There's this dance coming up in about a month at school, it's called TWIRP, the girls ask the guys. Some of my friends refuse to go, others have dates, and some others are telling me to ask someone to go. I've thought about it a lot, but what I didn't do was pray about it. I'm going to a lot, I'm just pretty sure God doesn't want me to ask my best guy friend to a school dance. Especially since He basically told me to not date until a while.
And, I'm not exactly sure the guy would say yes, after all he'd feel pretty strange being an eighth grader among high schoolers. So for now, I'll be content with the way he makes me laugh, how he makes me smile when I didn't think I'd smile, and be happy he always reminds me that God is there. God used him to save my life, maybe, just maybe, one day, in God's timing, we'll be more then friends.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Anyway
There's a song called Anyway by Martina McBride. It's one of few country songs I'll listen to, and boy, it's really helping me right now.
I got into a huge fight with my best friend over the weekend. I felt so worthless and erasable. I did a lot of things I regret, my hand is proof, and I did drastic things that I don't know what I was thinking.
Honestly, I think three people saved my life. One of them was my best friend's boyfriend, he's a Christian and pointed me in the direction of the cross, another was a friend I hardly know who text me all day making sure I was okay, and last, was this one guy, I've known him for quite some time now, I don't know if he's just a good friend, or if we could be something more than that, either way he made me smile on one of the worst days of my life. I thank those three people for saving my life, my wrist doesn't have scars because of you three.
Honestly, I believe God put all three of you in my life to save me from myself. Though only one of you will see this, thanks.
I completly forgot about God when my best friend glared at me with anger, hurt and hate. How? I honestly don't know. I have a burning fire for God, it was put out by this. The devil knows my weakness and he hit it hard. I'm praying God will renew my faith in Him, it's going to be soooo hard to regain, and become close to Him again. But I will do it.
I went to church last Sunday, I went to the middle school service, I'm a high schooler though. I know all the middle school girls and most of the guys, and none of the high schoolers, so I went anyway. Maybe I wasn't supposed to, I don't know. Either way, I know I was supposed to be there. And it wasn't just to talk, to give hugs to my friends, and talk to one of the most amazing people I know, no, it wasn't at all.
During worship, we sang The Stand By Hillsong United, it fit me that moment. It struck me then that I was supposed to be there. When our pastor spoke, talking about brokeness and breaking things, I almost burst into tears, but someone smiled at me and stopped me from crying. I'd broken, I'd also broken many things... I was sooo broken. That service was one small step in my road back to God. As I was talking to a group of my closest friends after service, my phone buzzed. It was my best friend, I ran outside to answer it. We fixed things right then. Amazing right? God is definitly.
Back to the song, Anyway by Martina McBride, I've felt erasable. Like I can let someone in my life, get close to them, love them and they can turn around and completly forget about me. This song is telling me to do it anyway, along with trying my hardest to complete all of my dreams.
I got into a huge fight with my best friend over the weekend. I felt so worthless and erasable. I did a lot of things I regret, my hand is proof, and I did drastic things that I don't know what I was thinking.
Honestly, I think three people saved my life. One of them was my best friend's boyfriend, he's a Christian and pointed me in the direction of the cross, another was a friend I hardly know who text me all day making sure I was okay, and last, was this one guy, I've known him for quite some time now, I don't know if he's just a good friend, or if we could be something more than that, either way he made me smile on one of the worst days of my life. I thank those three people for saving my life, my wrist doesn't have scars because of you three.
Honestly, I believe God put all three of you in my life to save me from myself. Though only one of you will see this, thanks.
I completly forgot about God when my best friend glared at me with anger, hurt and hate. How? I honestly don't know. I have a burning fire for God, it was put out by this. The devil knows my weakness and he hit it hard. I'm praying God will renew my faith in Him, it's going to be soooo hard to regain, and become close to Him again. But I will do it.
I went to church last Sunday, I went to the middle school service, I'm a high schooler though. I know all the middle school girls and most of the guys, and none of the high schoolers, so I went anyway. Maybe I wasn't supposed to, I don't know. Either way, I know I was supposed to be there. And it wasn't just to talk, to give hugs to my friends, and talk to one of the most amazing people I know, no, it wasn't at all.
During worship, we sang The Stand By Hillsong United, it fit me that moment. It struck me then that I was supposed to be there. When our pastor spoke, talking about brokeness and breaking things, I almost burst into tears, but someone smiled at me and stopped me from crying. I'd broken, I'd also broken many things... I was sooo broken. That service was one small step in my road back to God. As I was talking to a group of my closest friends after service, my phone buzzed. It was my best friend, I ran outside to answer it. We fixed things right then. Amazing right? God is definitly.
Back to the song, Anyway by Martina McBride, I've felt erasable. Like I can let someone in my life, get close to them, love them and they can turn around and completly forget about me. This song is telling me to do it anyway, along with trying my hardest to complete all of my dreams.
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