Anyway

There's a song called Anyway by Martina McBride. It's one of few country songs I'll listen to, and boy, it's really helping me right now.

I got into a huge fight with my best friend over the weekend. I felt so worthless and erasable. I did a lot of things I regret, my hand is proof, and I did drastic things that I don't know what I was thinking.
Honestly, I think three people saved my life. One of them was my best friend's boyfriend, he's a Christian and pointed me in the direction of the cross, another was a friend I hardly know who text me all day making sure I was okay, and last, was this one guy, I've known him for quite some time now, I don't know if he's just a good friend, or if we could be something more than that, either way he made me smile on one of the worst days of my life. I thank those three people for saving my life, my wrist doesn't have scars because of you three.

Honestly, I believe God put all three of you in my life to save me from myself. Though only one of you will see this, thanks.

I completly forgot about God when my best friend glared at me with anger, hurt and hate. How? I honestly don't know. I have a burning fire for God, it was put out by this. The devil knows my weakness and he hit it hard. I'm praying God will renew my faith in Him, it's going to be soooo hard to regain, and become close to Him again. But I will do it.

I went to church last Sunday, I went to the middle school service, I'm a high schooler though. I know all the middle school girls and most of the guys, and none of the high schoolers, so I went anyway. Maybe I wasn't supposed to, I don't know. Either way, I know I was supposed to be there. And it wasn't just to talk, to give hugs to my friends, and talk to one of the most amazing people I know, no, it wasn't at all.

During worship, we sang The Stand By Hillsong United, it fit me that moment. It struck me then that I was supposed to be there. When our pastor spoke, talking about brokeness and breaking things, I almost burst into tears, but someone smiled at me and stopped me from crying. I'd broken, I'd also broken many things... I was sooo broken. That service was one small step in my road back to God. As I was talking to a group of my closest friends after service, my phone buzzed. It was my best friend, I ran outside to answer it. We fixed things right then. Amazing right? God is definitly.


Back to the song, Anyway by Martina McBride, I've felt erasable. Like I can let someone in my life, get close to them, love them and they can turn around and completly forget about me. This song is telling me to do it anyway, along with trying my hardest to complete all of my dreams.