Well, it's 2011. I spend the first five minutes of this year worshiping the God who is stronger than anything, I'd say that's a good start to the year :)
I have a lot I want to talk about in here. Basically, the last days of 2010 were hard, 2010 was a hard year. And January 1 that's all I could think about. It didn't help that my best friend and I had (and fixed) one of our bad fights a few days before the new year.
On January 1, she mentioned how whenever she said lovey-dovey stuff about her boyfriend, I'd say it was disturbing or gross, even though it wasn't. I explained why to her. She understood but then she said this,
"I've wanted to thank you for a while and I feel this is the time. Thank you for suggesting to strengthen mine and his bond. They've helped more than you can think :) he now trusts me 100% and I trust him 99%. Compared to 95% and 91% before. So thank you, I don't know where we'd be without you :) "
I denyed I helped. I can't believe I did. All the years I'd fail to help people, all the years people ignored, all the years I was called names... they came back to me. They told me I could never help ever. I hadn't helped them, it wasn't possible, I didn't know what I was doing, after all what did I know about relationships? I haven't had a boyfriend or even my first kiss. That is exactly what I told my best friend. She told me this:
"I thank you for being sane and thinking things thru while we were fighting and on top of that you came up with a way for us to fight less that actually worked. We knew we had to trust each other more, but we didn't know how. Until your ideas .... We haven't had a huge long fight in a long time. We have fought a little but we solved it alot quicker than we would've before. and things I would've taken off in rage about, I understand. All of this happened because of your help. That's why I thank you."
Once again I couldn't believe it, I denyed it with everything I had. I reminded her of all the people I couldn't help. And how just a few days ago, we had had a fight because I hadn't helped her when she needed me. She told me this,
"You are making me sad. You help. And you know I only said that out of confusion and frustration. things could be much worse if you didn't help... there could be no Zac, and no Peyton, there could be no Alena at our table. I know you helped that girl in your study hall too. And the rest of that is in the past. Look at now look at all the things that are now that happened because of your help, without your need to help there wouldn't be a me and Treiton. It'd be me or Treiton... not together.. or maybe not even a me... but because of you I'm here. And we are together. Because you DID help. Because you DO help. Because you are Kerri. My caring best friend. The girl that people ignore that does more good than any dressed up super hero. That will one day be more than she thinks she can be."
I don't tell you this to feel good about myself. I tell you this to show you something that scared me. My best friend is alive because of me. So many people would be so much worse, but apparently I stepped in. And you know what I thought? It's not me. It's God. He put me in the midst of all these hurting people. He lets me hear them out, when no one else does. One person can make a difference, one person can save a life, one person can reach out, one person can heal pain, one person can fix a broken heart, one person can fix a failing relationship, one life can change the world, I can only do it because of God's help. I'm on my way to changing the world, helping and it starts now, in 2011. Will you join me?
Showing posts with label anger. Show all posts
Showing posts with label anger. Show all posts
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Saturday, December 18, 2010
The Letters and God
A few months ago, when it first came out, I heard the song If I Die Young by The Band Perry. At the moment, it made me think of an idea for my English assignment I had to write. Two months later, that song became really popular. At this point I thought of something else. What if I died young? Sadistic, maybe, but listen. I started thinking of all the things I'd never told anyone. All the things I'd never said.
I found a yellow notebook that was new. I started off the first page with a prologue, explaining that these letters were to be read only if I died, or if one of the people they were to, was in a life or death situation. I wrote half a letter to my mom, and then started on one to my childhood friend. The next day my grandma had a rountine heart surgery and crashed on the table. Thank You, God, they were able to revive her. The next day I wrote her letter. There's more to that story later.
Next, once my grandma was completly stable, I started writing my best friend's letter. For three years we've been friends. It's been a tough three years of praying for her. Pretty much since we became good friends, she has said she doesn't beleive in God. I've wondered why all along. I rememered how in sixth grade I didn't believe in Him. I thought maybe it was because of her mother, who was and is verbally abusive. I thought maybe never having memories of her parents together was part of it. I thought because her mother believed in God but also verbally abused her, she didn't believe in God. I wrote in the letter for a week, I wrote about the first time we met, how we became friends, our first fight-over God, our next over God, when her and her boyfriend had they're first fight, and how I longed for the day she could see the works of God I saw in her life.
Her and her boyfriend faught a lot this week, so I finally told her how it ripped me apart. Slowly, over the course of the week, after I'd written it down, we started talking about the things in the letter. All our memories, and her and her boyfriend's fights. Yesterday was my Christmas party, and only her and one of our other friends could come. While she was over, her and her boyfriend got into a fight. I cried while they argued over the phone. Eventually, I told her everything their fights did. Somehow the conversation changed to talking about God. And for the first time in three years, I was able to talk to my best friend about the One who saved my life without her getting angry.
All week I've had dreams of talking to her about God. I realize now it was God preparing me to talk to her. Since I found out she didn't believe, I figured she was an atheist and always had been. No. Her belief in God stopped when she became mad at Him. She prayed and prayed and prayed that things would get better between her and her now ex-boyfriend. When she found out he cheated on her, the last of her faith went down the toliet. All along, she's believed in God, but she's been mad at Him.
It's honestly more of a miracle now, I understand where she's coming from, God finally showed me He's mighty to save. My best friend claimed herself to be an atheist, but I know, in her heart she knows God is real, God is there, and one day, she will finally realize God never hurt her, she will realize He is her Saviour and the only One who can heal her brokeness.
I found a yellow notebook that was new. I started off the first page with a prologue, explaining that these letters were to be read only if I died, or if one of the people they were to, was in a life or death situation. I wrote half a letter to my mom, and then started on one to my childhood friend. The next day my grandma had a rountine heart surgery and crashed on the table. Thank You, God, they were able to revive her. The next day I wrote her letter. There's more to that story later.
Next, once my grandma was completly stable, I started writing my best friend's letter. For three years we've been friends. It's been a tough three years of praying for her. Pretty much since we became good friends, she has said she doesn't beleive in God. I've wondered why all along. I rememered how in sixth grade I didn't believe in Him. I thought maybe it was because of her mother, who was and is verbally abusive. I thought maybe never having memories of her parents together was part of it. I thought because her mother believed in God but also verbally abused her, she didn't believe in God. I wrote in the letter for a week, I wrote about the first time we met, how we became friends, our first fight-over God, our next over God, when her and her boyfriend had they're first fight, and how I longed for the day she could see the works of God I saw in her life.
Her and her boyfriend faught a lot this week, so I finally told her how it ripped me apart. Slowly, over the course of the week, after I'd written it down, we started talking about the things in the letter. All our memories, and her and her boyfriend's fights. Yesterday was my Christmas party, and only her and one of our other friends could come. While she was over, her and her boyfriend got into a fight. I cried while they argued over the phone. Eventually, I told her everything their fights did. Somehow the conversation changed to talking about God. And for the first time in three years, I was able to talk to my best friend about the One who saved my life without her getting angry.
All week I've had dreams of talking to her about God. I realize now it was God preparing me to talk to her. Since I found out she didn't believe, I figured she was an atheist and always had been. No. Her belief in God stopped when she became mad at Him. She prayed and prayed and prayed that things would get better between her and her now ex-boyfriend. When she found out he cheated on her, the last of her faith went down the toliet. All along, she's believed in God, but she's been mad at Him.
It's honestly more of a miracle now, I understand where she's coming from, God finally showed me He's mighty to save. My best friend claimed herself to be an atheist, but I know, in her heart she knows God is real, God is there, and one day, she will finally realize God never hurt her, she will realize He is her Saviour and the only One who can heal her brokeness.
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