Lying

For the past two days I've been thinking about lying. What is it exactly?

Supposedly, its telling something other than the truth. But what if it was an accidental lie? You thought something was true, but it ended up not being? Or what if you were lying to protect someone? What if you were lying, so you didn't hurt someone? Is that really considered lying?


What if everyone just told you the flat-out truth? What would the world be like? ...Honestly, that just gave me a huge new story idea... anyway, back to the subject.

How many people lie everyday? How many faces that you pass are just faking a smile? How many people, underneath, are crumbling? How many people lie to your face everyday?

I try not to lie. My parents know almost everything about me. Lately, I've wondered if I could lie to them. I tried, twice. I could. And I can only imagine how many others lie to the parents daily. Maybe it's to protect their drug habit, maybe so they don't get in trouble, maybe so their family doesn't fall apart, maybe so they don't get kicked out of the house, or maybe, it's because they don't want anyone to know they are falling apart.


I hate lying. Especially to my mom. I've lied only about four times to my mom. I'm glad I can tell her things. But sometimes I don't want to, so I avoid the subject.

Maybe you want to know why I've been thinking about lying. The other day my best friend said an accidental lie. It hurt me to know my best friend could lie to me and I couldn't tell.

I talked to her about it later, and she said, "If I really wanted to, I could lie to you." She has no idea how much that statement made my heart jump. I already know she used to be suicidal, what if she's lying when she says she's not? We have a mutual friend, and I'm afraid she cuts. It just made me think, how many people I talk to lie about how they are?

A girl post depressing status on facebook, no one comments, next week that girl is gone. When asked, her friends say, "But she never told us anything was wrong." "She said she was okay."
Where were they when their friend needed them to see through her lies?

The website sixbillionsecrets.com terrifies me, because who knows who's secrets they are. What if they're what's really inside my best friend's heart and I can't see it?

The Letters and God

A few months ago, when it first came out, I heard the song If I Die Young by The Band Perry. At the moment, it made me think of an idea for my English assignment I had to write. Two months later, that song became really popular. At this point I thought of something else. What if I died young? Sadistic, maybe, but listen. I started thinking of all the things I'd never told anyone. All the things I'd never said.

I found a yellow notebook that was new. I started off the first page with a prologue, explaining that these letters were to be read only if I died, or if one of the people they were to, was in a life or death situation. I wrote half a letter to my mom, and then started on one to my childhood friend. The next day my grandma had a rountine heart surgery and crashed on the table. Thank You, God, they were able to revive her. The next day I wrote her letter. There's more to that story later.

Next, once my grandma was completly stable, I started writing my best friend's letter. For three years we've been friends. It's been a tough three years of praying for her. Pretty much since we became good friends, she has said she doesn't beleive in God. I've wondered why all along. I rememered how in sixth grade I didn't believe in Him. I thought maybe it was because of her mother, who was and is verbally abusive. I thought maybe never having memories of her parents together was part of it. I thought because her mother believed in God but also verbally abused her, she didn't believe in God. I wrote in the letter for a week, I wrote about the first time we met, how we became friends, our first fight-over God, our next over God, when her and her boyfriend had they're first fight, and how I longed for the day she could see the works of God I saw in her life.

Her and her boyfriend faught a lot this week, so I finally told her how it ripped me apart. Slowly, over the course of the week, after I'd written it down, we started talking about the things in the letter. All our memories, and her and her boyfriend's fights. Yesterday was my Christmas party, and only her and one of our other friends could come. While she was over, her and her boyfriend got into a fight. I cried while they argued over the phone. Eventually, I told her everything their fights did. Somehow the conversation changed to talking about God. And for the first time in three years, I was able to talk to my best friend about the One who saved my life without her getting angry.

All week I've had dreams of talking to her about God. I realize now it was God preparing me to talk to her. Since I found out she didn't believe, I figured she was an atheist and always had been. No. Her belief in God stopped when she became mad at Him. She prayed and prayed and prayed that things would get better between her and her now ex-boyfriend. When she found out he cheated on her, the last of her faith went down the toliet. All along, she's believed in God, but she's been mad at Him.

It's honestly more of a miracle now, I understand where she's coming from, God finally showed me He's mighty to save. My best friend claimed herself to be an atheist, but I know, in her heart she knows God is real, God is there, and one day, she will finally realize God never hurt her, she will realize He is her Saviour and the only One who can heal her brokeness.